I have landed in an unfamiliar land.
A land of concrete, of fast walkers, of many languages. A land of old. A land of new. A land of wonder.
Chicago. Finally.
Within the past 30 odd hours, I have moved into my apartment, met my new roommate for the next three months, had a crash course in the public transit system, and gotten totally overwhelmed by the task set in front of me.
Student teaching. In Chicago. What the hell was i thinking?
More on that later.
Haven't even gotten into the schools yet.
Right now i am sitting in Starbucks, enjoying an iced chai latte, and overhearing an adorable group of old men speaking what i assume is Italian. Adorable.
I think that's what city living is all about. Listening. Watching. Enjoying. Enveloping.
And now I am listening to the old men placing bets on Obama and discussing socialism and communism. They switched to English, for a bit anyway.
There is so much I could write about, like my kitchen being smaller than my closet, how my mom made so many Chicago drivers angry. How a girl asked if Andrew was my boyfriend. How there is a mannequin in the apartment window across the street from us. How I will have a 50 minute commute every morning.
But I think the most important thing to mention is the smile I have. At times I tell myself smiling as I walk down the street may raise some eyebrows. Not exactly normal around here. I walk taller here, with more purpose -- and i don't think It's just because you're supposed to appear like you belong.
I think It's because I FEEL like I belong. And that makes me smile. More than is normal for native Chicago dwellers, at least from what i can gather.
I think that is all for tonight. Having to blog on my tablet was harder than I expected. I hope we get wifi in our apartment soon. Please excuse any glaring mistakes. Autocorrect will be the death of me, I'm sure of it.
Until next time, listen, walk, experience. You won't regret it.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Limbo Time
I've been in limbo the past two weeks. Apparently I don't blog when in limbo; not very well, anyway.
It has been a very strange transition time for me. Good for the most part, but strange. Because in my head, I should be starting my first day of classes today with the rest of NWC campus. Everyone I know has something to do during the days, I have very little I have to do (lots I could do, but it's not happening very well...).
I've discovered how hard limbo time is for me. It was the same at the beginning of the summer. There was/is nothing for me to work towards every day. Lots to look forward to be doing, but as of yet, nothing to actually do. That's tough for me.
It has been made very clear that I almost always know when it's time for me to leave a place. Last spring, it was very clear I no longer had a place at Northwestern. Two weeks ago, despite how I tried to convince myself otherwise, it was clear that my time at Waco had come to a close. And now I am 5 days away from Chicago, and I am very ready to be done with Orchard. This is both helpful and annoying, because I would like to enjoy the time I have left, rather than constantly looking ahead. Sometimes I'm really bad at being content where I am.
So today, when my brother and sister and dad were up for school and work, I was up merely for routine. I am not fond of 6:00; however, I know my mornings will soon start then or earlier. And now when my whole family is gone, I am home, trying to convince myself to wash the rest of the dishes that didn't fit in the washer or begin the long process of packing.
It's just me and the pets at home, and I'm not much of an animal person. The only redeeming part of the kitten is her ability to dance, and even that must be forced upon her. And don't even get me started on the dangers of watching music videos on VH1 for three hours in the morning. Six to nine in the morning are bleak hours for me.
Until next time.
It has been a very strange transition time for me. Good for the most part, but strange. Because in my head, I should be starting my first day of classes today with the rest of NWC campus. Everyone I know has something to do during the days, I have very little I have to do (lots I could do, but it's not happening very well...).
I've discovered how hard limbo time is for me. It was the same at the beginning of the summer. There was/is nothing for me to work towards every day. Lots to look forward to be doing, but as of yet, nothing to actually do. That's tough for me.
It has been made very clear that I almost always know when it's time for me to leave a place. Last spring, it was very clear I no longer had a place at Northwestern. Two weeks ago, despite how I tried to convince myself otherwise, it was clear that my time at Waco had come to a close. And now I am 5 days away from Chicago, and I am very ready to be done with Orchard. This is both helpful and annoying, because I would like to enjoy the time I have left, rather than constantly looking ahead. Sometimes I'm really bad at being content where I am.
So today, when my brother and sister and dad were up for school and work, I was up merely for routine. I am not fond of 6:00; however, I know my mornings will soon start then or earlier. And now when my whole family is gone, I am home, trying to convince myself to wash the rest of the dishes that didn't fit in the washer or begin the long process of packing.
It's just me and the pets at home, and I'm not much of an animal person. The only redeeming part of the kitten is her ability to dance, and even that must be forced upon her. And don't even get me started on the dangers of watching music videos on VH1 for three hours in the morning. Six to nine in the morning are bleak hours for me.
Until next time.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Heading Home
My bags are packed. I'm heading home. Tomorrow.
That's kinda hard to wrap my head around. And for once, I'm actually excited to be going home. Not that I haven't loved being here, but I'm looking forward to Nebraska. Partially because I really do miss my family, partially because it is one step closer to Chicago at the end of the month.
I had a few hours this afternoon, so after watching a movie, I though I'd get started packing. It took me about twenty minutes to be 97% packed up. Not sure why I thought it was so important to pack today. Now my suitcase is just sitting there, constantly reminding me that I'm leaving.
When I leave a place, I never really miss the physical features of the place. It's always the people that I miss. I've been told that's how it should be.
So that's what I'm dreading. All the partings that will happen tomorrow. Because if I'm honest with myself, I don't think I'll come back to Waco. Last summer I had a feeling I'd be back, this summer that isn't the case. And I am really okay with that. It's been a good summer dwelling place, now it's time to put down some different roots. Maybe not more permanent, but definitely different.
I suppose it's a good thing that the people I will miss the most from Waco won't be in Waco much longer than I will be. They have their own adventures to start living. Lots of moon journeys in the making. I think that's pretty exciting, don't you?
I've told people that I'm envious of the gypsy life. My mother tells me I have a very romantic idea of gypsies, and I suppose I do. But I like the idea of a long life of adventures. Traveling wherever to trade or create or perform, making my home the people I'm with. Makes it easy to find home wherever I go. A feeling of home is something we all are searching for, and if you can find it in the hearts of the ones you love most, then you are always home.
So I guess I'm leaving home to go home. I think that's almost always the case for me.
Until next time, see you at home.
That's kinda hard to wrap my head around. And for once, I'm actually excited to be going home. Not that I haven't loved being here, but I'm looking forward to Nebraska. Partially because I really do miss my family, partially because it is one step closer to Chicago at the end of the month.
I had a few hours this afternoon, so after watching a movie, I though I'd get started packing. It took me about twenty minutes to be 97% packed up. Not sure why I thought it was so important to pack today. Now my suitcase is just sitting there, constantly reminding me that I'm leaving.
When I leave a place, I never really miss the physical features of the place. It's always the people that I miss. I've been told that's how it should be.
So that's what I'm dreading. All the partings that will happen tomorrow. Because if I'm honest with myself, I don't think I'll come back to Waco. Last summer I had a feeling I'd be back, this summer that isn't the case. And I am really okay with that. It's been a good summer dwelling place, now it's time to put down some different roots. Maybe not more permanent, but definitely different.
I suppose it's a good thing that the people I will miss the most from Waco won't be in Waco much longer than I will be. They have their own adventures to start living. Lots of moon journeys in the making. I think that's pretty exciting, don't you?
I've told people that I'm envious of the gypsy life. My mother tells me I have a very romantic idea of gypsies, and I suppose I do. But I like the idea of a long life of adventures. Traveling wherever to trade or create or perform, making my home the people I'm with. Makes it easy to find home wherever I go. A feeling of home is something we all are searching for, and if you can find it in the hearts of the ones you love most, then you are always home.
So I guess I'm leaving home to go home. I think that's almost always the case for me.
Until next time, see you at home.
Friday, August 3, 2012
22 Birthdays
In roughly an hour from now, it will be my birthday. To celebrate, and to remind myself of the year I've had, I'm going to make a list of 21 things that happened this year. So, on the eve of my 22 birthday, here are my 21 memories of my 21st year.
1. Waco, pt. 1. I was home for my birthday last year, but I was still very much in a Waco mindset. This summer and last summer has been so vastly different, but both so very good. So much learning.
2. Senior. In college. That was strange. Still is strange to think about, truthfully. Especially since I didn't graduate.
3. I designed costumes. Maybe you don't remember the chaos that brought to my life, but I do. Still, I am very pleased with how they turned out.
4. I wrote a play. And saw that play performed. Weird, again. But really helpful.
5. A lot of time was spent in a blanket fort. I still stand by the theory that the best place to study is in a massive, awesome blanket fort that takes up the whole room. As long as there are lovely, beautiful women to spend time in there with you.
6. I went to Ethiopia. Yeah. Africa. How kick-ass is that?
7. Stage-managing a show almost killed me. Again. I should be used to that, I suppose.
8. One night, in the height of finals week, I burned some books.
9. Massive, awesome, crazy road trip with four very dear women. Spring break should always be that awesome.
10. I applied and was accepted to go to Chicago this year. Sure, that's in my 22 year, but it was an exciting event when I was 21, too.
11. Tulips. Some people will know what I'm talking about. If you don't, well you probably shouldn't.
12. Senior show. A massive party of a play that some of the best people put on, screwing around and having a blast. The best last hoorah of a show I've ever known.
13. Stargazing. Lots and lots of stargazing.
14. I spent a lot of time hearing one friend's story. It was an honor, and I'm blessed to be a part of that story now.
15. I have gotten to understand my parents, to know them, in a way that is both scary and lovely. It's true that we tend to turn into our parents...
16. I started writing poetry again.
17. I went to a lot of free movies. The best way to watch a movie is to be friends with someone who works at the theatre.
18. Lots of cousin time. Almost all of my cousins have moved to Orchard. Spending time with the ones who have always lived 8 hours away was great.
19. Waco, pt. 2. I am so blessed and grateful to be back in Waco this summer. Just getting the chance to spend time with Stevie and Ramad and Ana and so many more friends has been great. And to get the chance to do theatre here again, so chaotic, but so good.
20. I lost a grandfather. But found so much peace and joy in hearing the dozens of stories, learning the wisdom, celebrating the life of a man so very loved.
21. I have started my journey. I don't know where this one will take me, but I do know I'm done taking things for granted. I'm done accepting ideals and beliefs that are handed to me. I'm done looking at the world around me through the lens that others give me. This moon journey will certainly be one to remember.
Obviously there are more, but for now, this is my list. It's been a good year. A hard one, but good in so many ways. And now there are only about 15 minutes until I turn 22. A new year, so many more moon journeys.
Until next time, Happy Birthday to me.
1. Waco, pt. 1. I was home for my birthday last year, but I was still very much in a Waco mindset. This summer and last summer has been so vastly different, but both so very good. So much learning.
2. Senior. In college. That was strange. Still is strange to think about, truthfully. Especially since I didn't graduate.
3. I designed costumes. Maybe you don't remember the chaos that brought to my life, but I do. Still, I am very pleased with how they turned out.
4. I wrote a play. And saw that play performed. Weird, again. But really helpful.
5. A lot of time was spent in a blanket fort. I still stand by the theory that the best place to study is in a massive, awesome blanket fort that takes up the whole room. As long as there are lovely, beautiful women to spend time in there with you.
6. I went to Ethiopia. Yeah. Africa. How kick-ass is that?
7. Stage-managing a show almost killed me. Again. I should be used to that, I suppose.
8. One night, in the height of finals week, I burned some books.
9. Massive, awesome, crazy road trip with four very dear women. Spring break should always be that awesome.
10. I applied and was accepted to go to Chicago this year. Sure, that's in my 22 year, but it was an exciting event when I was 21, too.
11. Tulips. Some people will know what I'm talking about. If you don't, well you probably shouldn't.
12. Senior show. A massive party of a play that some of the best people put on, screwing around and having a blast. The best last hoorah of a show I've ever known.
13. Stargazing. Lots and lots of stargazing.
14. I spent a lot of time hearing one friend's story. It was an honor, and I'm blessed to be a part of that story now.
15. I have gotten to understand my parents, to know them, in a way that is both scary and lovely. It's true that we tend to turn into our parents...
16. I started writing poetry again.
17. I went to a lot of free movies. The best way to watch a movie is to be friends with someone who works at the theatre.
18. Lots of cousin time. Almost all of my cousins have moved to Orchard. Spending time with the ones who have always lived 8 hours away was great.
19. Waco, pt. 2. I am so blessed and grateful to be back in Waco this summer. Just getting the chance to spend time with Stevie and Ramad and Ana and so many more friends has been great. And to get the chance to do theatre here again, so chaotic, but so good.
20. I lost a grandfather. But found so much peace and joy in hearing the dozens of stories, learning the wisdom, celebrating the life of a man so very loved.
21. I have started my journey. I don't know where this one will take me, but I do know I'm done taking things for granted. I'm done accepting ideals and beliefs that are handed to me. I'm done looking at the world around me through the lens that others give me. This moon journey will certainly be one to remember.
Obviously there are more, but for now, this is my list. It's been a good year. A hard one, but good in so many ways. And now there are only about 15 minutes until I turn 22. A new year, so many more moon journeys.
Until next time, Happy Birthday to me.
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