Remembering Things

I am home. Got here on Christmas Eve's eve and haven't left. That's the problem with home, I never have a whole lot of ambition to go anywhere. Probably because there's not many places to go. Anyways...

It's been good. I've had a lot of great family time, Christmas was wonderful, I've been sleeping on a bed rather than a couch. My allergies are acting up, due to the amount of cats living in the same space as me (in fact, there's one in my bed now; she just won't leave me alone), but that's really my only complaint as of right now.

There has been a lot of cleaning going on in our house the past two days. Three of the four kids have clean rooms (and there's really no hope for a perfect four for four, Bradley is kind of a slob; and by kind of, I mean a total slob...). I spent well over seven hours unpacking, cleaning, rearranging, and organizing my room so I'd have space to live and breathe for the next few months as I figure out my life. My little sister also spent the better part of yesterday cleaning her room and getting it ready for us to paint later next week. Today Josh cleaned and rearranged his room as well. We've been busy.

I don't know if it's just our family, but we kind of like watching each other clean. I'd take a break and go watch Sara put away her clothes. Sara'd get bored and come watch me organize books. Tonight I spent about half an hour watching Josh clean his room. I'm not sure why this is a trend, but I've noticed it before.

I've also noticed how much stuff we actually have. I will be real -- I like my stuff. Very rarely do I feel guilty about how much I have, and maybe that makes me a terrible person. But when the majority of my personal belongings are books, I find it hard to feel too terribly guilty. So sue me.

It occurred to me tonight that much of what we keep around is quite useless. In my room above my window I have a shelf filled with mementos from my childhood, knick-knacks and stuffed animals that have stuck around. Truthfully, I remember getting, or even liking, two or three of the things on that shelf. Yet I keep them. Why?

We keep things to remember what we think is important. Not a bad thing. But when we keep so much that it all becomes meaningless, is it worth it? Like when I found a couple of bolts in my dressing table yesterday, it took me about three minutes to remember why I had them, but I knew they had to mean something, otherwise I wouldn't keep a couple of bolts. Eventually I remembered, but if it wasn't important enough to remember right away, was it important enough for me to throw them back in the drawer?

And if I was too young to remember liking that stuffed animal on the shelf, is it worth it to keep it? It isn't a part of my memories; if anything, it is a memento from my mother's past, not mine. So do I ditch Funny Bunny, or does he get to keep his place on the shelf because my mother can remember how much he made me laugh as a baby?

Maybe I'm only thinking about these things because everything I own, outside of a few large pieces of furniture, is somewhere stashed in this bedroom. How much do I need in order to remember?  When do we become crushed by the things that are supposed to be reminding us of something that we don't really need something physical to remind us of?

I don't have the answers. I only got rid of one garbage bag of things for Goodwill, none of which are the mementos that are still haunting my room. Obviously I have no answers. I guess that's okay, just something to think about.

Until next time.

Ending Remarks

It's the end of the world as I know it. Literally. Tomorrow, if the world survives, will be my last day in Chicago. At least for awhile.

It is a strange realization. Shouldn't be. I've know this day was coming for the past few weeks. I just am not a fan of endings. But then again, who is?

 At this time, have three quotes running through my head:

"It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine." by R.E.M.

 I just find this ironic. Not sure what the significance is at the moment, it just makes me happy.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." by Semisonic.

I really like this song (Closing Time, if you didn't know). Classic 90s. I actually wrote this quote on the wall of hopes at the show I'm working on. Someone's comment back: "conservation of energy, bitch." Obviously they didn't get the reference. Whatever, it made me giggle.

"I hope, my Catherine, you are not getting out of humor with home because it is not so grand as Northanger. That would be turning your visit into evil indeed. Wherever you are you should always be contented, but especially at home, because there you spend the most of your time." from 'Northanger Abbey' by Jane Austin.

Obviously, the last has the most impact on my current situation. I am not used to Jane preaching to me, but this morning she convicted me. Being home and being contented is something that has been very hard for me for the past 4 years.

But what I also realized last night and this morning is that i don't feel contented in Chicago anymore either. It was a realization not terribly welcome, I will be honest. My season in Chicago is changing just as the cold weather is sweeping into the city. Ironic, is it not?

 I just don't know what this means for me. This is a major time of transition, I just don't know what I'm transitioning into. Frustrating. So very frustrating. I just want to know my real next step.

 I still can't see going home as my next step. It feels like going backwards. Good things will happen while I'm there, I have no doubt. But it is not ideal, not by a long ways. Sorry beloved family. You are wonderful; Orchard, not so much.

 Then again, the would may end tonight. Maybe I won't have to worry about it. Yeah, not counting on that...

Until next time.

End of Night

Theatre is all about making the audience believe in what you are saying. At least for the 2 hours you hold them captive. That is unless your audience is full of pretentious hipsters (Autocorrect totally made this monsters, which also works) too cool to take part in your awesome interactive experience.

 There is always one night that everything seems to go wrong. Tonight is that night. List time!

1. Lights.
I am not a light person. Never have been, never will be. Tonight I was the first person in the space, and as assistant stage manager, it is my job to turn lights on. So I opened the step by step instructions and tried to follow them to a t. Only problem was that someone did not properly shut them down last night. So i spent 30 minutes turning on the stupid lights. Gerr....lights....

2. Sound
While I was turning on lights, the sound designer came in looking for his laptop. He hid it in the lobby because the theatre was locked, but couldn't find it. Found the bag, but no laptop. Someone jacked it. He was very calm about, which was good, I guess. So all the music for our end of the world party is live drumming.

3. Ezra
Ezra is an actor. He is a problem all in himself. To my NYC friends, think Tiemen problem. Tonight was so full of Ezra problems, he gets his own sub-list.

A. Lost necklace. He starts the night as a homeless man on the street, ends it as mystic shamen. In between the two, he has a beaded necklace. He couldn't find it. Wasn't in the giant plastic bag, wasn't in the small fabric bag. I didn't believe him, or at least wanted to make sure. So i start digging. Wasn't in the fabric bag. Wasn't in the plastic bag. Finally found it in the smaller plastic bag filled with other plastic bags inside the bigger plastic bag. His response: "what would I do without you?"

B. Lost underwear. He has specific red boxer briefs he has to wear. Couldn't find them, asked me where they were. I told him that was one prop I wasn't going to keep track of for him. He finally found them stuffed behind a bike helmet in the top of a locker.

C. Lost pants. After he found his underwear, he couldn't find his pants. I took one look in the locker and found them in a ball on the bottom of it. His response: "what would i do without you?"

D. Body paint. Every cast member gets some paint, but he gets a whole lot. After the other Kristen was fired from the task, I got to step in as Ezra painter. Half way through the show he decided it wasn't right, so he was going to wipe it off and make me do it again.
"No, Ezra, you don't have time."
"Kristin, Kanome hasn't even started her poem."
"Every night you keep painting and it is never dry when you have to go on, so you're upset because you get paint on your pants. You don't have time."
"But my friends are here."
"Your friends won't know the difference."
"Yes they will, they've been staring at the stupid symbol all night."
"I don't care, Ezra, give me he baby wipe, you aren't taking it off!"
"But it's wrong!"
"Ezra, you're an actor, you know about status. Give me the status and shut up. You're on in a second." "Mean."

 I have a feeling that by the end of the run next week I could have a whole alphabet of Ezra problems. The guy is on his own planet most of the time, but I have such a soft spot for actors like him. They make me feel needed, because honestly, I don't know what he would do without me there picking up after him or finding his stuff.

4. No red paint or q tips.
Because of the large amount of painting going on, there is a run on red paint and q tips. The actors think It's the end if the world. They may have to use pink! Gasp!

5. Broken mirror. It fell off the wall. Good fun.

6. Dark. Kristen fell over a bench. Great fun.

Ok, so really, the show went well considering. Theatre has had a lot worse luck, that's for sure.

My tablet is about to die and McDonalds is about to close. This is enough for tonight.

 Until next time.

Christmas Spirit

The past couple weeks I have been getting in the Christmas spirit. Because Chicago refuses to give me snow, it's been a little tough. Plus, I can't put up a Christmas tree. Maybe I'll convince Dan and Andrew they need one for the week I'm living on their couch.

But little by little, I've been getting Christmas-y. Want to see how? Well, okay, you convinced me...

1. "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens at the Goodman Theatre.

Dan took me and a couple of Chicago Semester girls with his and Andrew's comp tickets a few weeks ago. It was so great. All four of us were really excited about Christmas afterwards. Plus, it was great theatre. Can't beat that.

2. Zoo Lights at Lincoln Park Zoo.

Yes, it was December and I was wearing a sweater and jean jacket. Chicago is wonky this year. But Zoo Lights was so cool. Heather and Lynda were visiting for the weekend, so we made out way through the zoo. Saw no animals, but lots and lots of Christmas lights. It was great.

3. Ice Skating in Millennium Park.

I had never been ice skating before, but it was on my to do list before leaving Chicago. I was really nervous before we got there. And when we were putting on our skates. And right before we got in the rink. And the first couple laps around the rink.

But after about fifteen or twenty minutes, I was doing surprisingly well. I could go a lap around the rink without holding onto the rail. It was so fun! And I only fell once, which is pretty impressive for a first time ice skater. I loved it, and because Christmas music was playing, it was a great way to get all excited for Christmas music.

4. Christmas movies and Christmas Pandora. I don't have a picture for these, sorry. But my roommate bought a pack of six classic Christmas movies, so we've been watching old movies like Frosty and Rudolph and Santa Claus is Comin' to Town. When we don't watch movies, I have Christmas music playing from my computer. It's lovely.

It's been a little strange, making it through this much of December without any snow or Christmas tree decorating or present wrapping. But I think I'll make it, somehow. A week from tomorrow night I will be on a bus all night to get me back to Nebraska. I will be home by Christmas Eve's eve, and I will try very hard to convince my mother to put up the Christmas tree (she doesn't want to put one up because she always gets yelled at for not taking it down until March or April, so she decided to just not put one up this year. Silly, and not acceptable. That will be my task, so beware, family. My tradition of putting up the tree with old Christmas movies will not be broken).

I am excited to spend my Christmas at home. I'm excited to go to Christmas Eve service with my Grandma. I'm excited for chili and new pajamas on Christmas Eve. I'm excited for cinnamon rolls and staying in my pajamas all day on Christmas. I'm excited for snow, because it will happen while I'm home. I can feel it.

Until next time.

Rehearsal Report

You would think that since I'm not at school for eight hours a day, I would have more time to blog.

Wrong.

Kinda. Technically I probably would have more time, if my schedule hadn't changed so drastically. I'm still adjusting to being able to go to sleep late after rehearsals and stay in bed later in the morning. It's been a strange new development in my life, this sleeping in thing. Not complaining, my most natural sleeping patterns are from 1 a.m. to 10 a.m.

I've also been very busy with the production I'm assistant stage managing. I went to rehearsals a couple times last week as teaching was finishing up, then more full time after that. So that has taken at least five hours of my day. On days like Monday when we built set, I was there for 10 hours. Tuesday for technical rehearsal and cue to cue, I was there for another 10 hours. Last night for invited preview, I was there for 8 hours.

It's been exhausting. But really great. And hopefully tonight is the first night of a typical run time, so I should only be there about 5 hours. We'll see.

This has been a very enlightening experience so far. The company I'm working with is quite small, but packs a lot of punch. The space they work in is on the third floor of an artists studio community. A very unconventional space, but they make it work. Every single person working on this show has a day job, which was not unexpected.

Last night was the first time I truly felt needed, which was so encouraging. That is the hardest part for me when it comes to stage managing. But in the chaos of preview, I bloomed. I was body painting actors, I was setting props that they forgot while the audience was distracted, I was stifling giggles as we realized our stupidity. Reminded me why I love being an assistant stage manager: interaction with the actors.

Today on the list of things to do is start packing, which I am not looking forward to. I've decided my next step takes me home for a few months, just long enough to figure out my real next step. I'm not terribly excited about going home for any long period of time, but I am excited to see my family. When the whole world is open to explore, going home seems like retreat. But I'm trying to see it as a strategic battle plan. We'll see how it goes.

I think that's enough for this Thursday morning. I'm going to put on some Christmas music and start packing. Yay...

Until next time.

KP Wrap-Up

I have completed my student teaching.

Wowza. That feels good to type.

Still sounds a little funny when I say it, still makes me sad when I think about my students, but it feels so good to be done.

I actually have some pictures. On my last day, I made all my classes take group pictures with me. Most of them did it. They are all quite awkward pictures, but they make me smile. Especially since none of them could get the idea of creating rows, so they all just stood hidden behind each other. Maybe that was their plan...

Second period. Started the semester with 6 students, ended up with about 16 by the time I left. Since it was Friday, there were a lot of absences. This was a great way to start my day of teaching. Such goofs.

Third period. This class changed members so often, some of these students I only had for three weeks. My favorite one in this picture is in the black cardigan; he really likes to think he's tough and cool. I guess for a freshmen, he is.

 Fifth period. This was actually our largest class. It also had the largest amount of students who refused to take their picture with me. Lame. A hard class for me to teach, but some really great students.

 Sixth period. I love this class. All around top notch. Crazy, but top notch.

Eighth period. The craziest possible way to end a day of teaching. They were nuts. But so great. The one giving me bunny ears was one of my favorite students over all. He also told me he could talk to his aunt and hook me up with a job at T-Mobile.

I miss them already. Mostly just because I know I won't see them on Monday.

Surprisingly, I didn't cry at all on Friday. It was strange, I expected to. But the more I think about it, the more I'm pretty sure this won't be my last time at KP. It feels like it did when I was leaving Waco the first time; I knew I would be back. I'm pretty sure I'll be back at KP.

It didn't feel like good-bye, merely a see you later.

Until next time.