African Anxiousness

In 12 hours, I'll be in a plane heading towards D.C. In 24 hours, DME will hopefully be wrapping up an evening of rehearsals. In 36 hours, we'll be on our way to Africa.

Yikes.

I'm starting to freak out. My bags are packed, my room is clean. I have to be awake at 4:00 to get ready for the drive to Omaha. I should be winding down. Sadly, my bed time the last three weeks has been 1:00 a.m. at the earliest. Not good. Will not help with my jet lag. . .

I am going to make a list. Maybe two. Lists are good, they help my brain sometimes. Hopefully this one is the same.

What I'm nervous about:

1. The size of my carry on suitcase. Because we aren't checking anything, it's a little worrisome. I checked Delta's site, my bag fits the size it says, but I still worry.

2. The clothes I packed. I think they are okay, but because there is a more modest dress code (long skirts, no shoulders or chest), I'm a bit worried. It's not like I ever dress terribly indecent, but now that there are rules, I'm freaking out.

3. Don't drink the water. Bah. I've never been anywhere I couldn't drink the water. What if I forget?

4. What if I get sick while I'm there? I'm not a pleasant person when I'm sick.

5. Sun burn. Enough said. I'm going to Africa.

Okay, I'm sure there's more, but I'm going to focus on what I'm excited for now.

1. It's Africa! I'm going to freaking Africa!

2. Warm weather. Not that it's been cold here by any Nebraska weather standards, but a balmy mid-70 degree average will be wonderful.

3. A new culture. It will be like nothing I've ever experienced before, and I'm so excited.

4. I'm really pumped to meet the people we'll be working with and serving while we're there. They have such a welcoming spirit from what I've heard from Jeff and Arlene. And I'm excited to see Arlene see her dear, dear friends.

5. My dear, dear friends! What a great reunion this will be! Almost the whole team from last year will be going, plus an alumni that Jeff found us. ;) Some of the team has been gone all semester, so I'm jazzed to see everyone. And I'm excited to start a new chapter in the DME quote book!

Again, I'm sure there are more. But I have to start trying to settle down for the night. I need to get a few hours of sleep tonight. I'm hoping for three...

Until next time, it's time for Africa!

p.s. I will have very, very limited internet access. Don't expect any moon journey posts from Ethiopia. Then, if they happen, it will be a pleasant surprise. :)

Book Journeys

I have been reading. Sometimes I forget how much I love reading. Usually amnesia sets in with the chaos of college life, school work, and stress. But over breaks, I remember.

Remembering books is a beautiful thing. I think I've read seven so far this break. They are young adolencent books, so they are fast reads, but engrossing nonetheless. I'm working on reading through my future classroom library, which is surprisingly large for not having a classroom yet.

And what adventures I've been on! I have robbed from the rich with a retelling of Robin Hood from the point of view of Scarlet, the one women in Hood's band of merry men. I have found excitement in a new futuristic twist of Cinderella. I have solved mysteries in New York in 1946. I have met some very peculiar children hidden from the world who relive the same day over and over again. I have met mermaids. I have been to India, Kentucky, Plymoth, England, New York, Pennsylvania.

In short, I have gone on adventures. I love how books can do that. Bridges, connecting us to somewhere else, somewhere unexpected, somewhere magical. I think that's why I love books so much.

They let me go places I've never dreamed of. But I suppose books only take me so far. Which is why I board a plane in 36ish hours to head off on my next moon journey: Ethiopia.

It is still hard for me to grasp the fact that in three days time, I will be standing on African soil.

Maybe at some point I will be better at expressing my frazzled, excited, nervous thoughts, but for now, I'll leave you with a quote from one of my recent book journeys:

"P.P.S. Today the sun was out, and as I walked to school I wondered if it was sunny in Kentucky, too. And then I though to myself that it's the same sun here as it is there, and that made me feel like you're not so far away after all." --Same Sun Here by Silas House and Neela Vaswani

I guess the moon is out now (maybe, I didn't actually check, I just assumed). But for sure the stars are out. So no matter where you are, remember it is the same moon and the same stars here as it is there. It makes missing people more barable.

Until next time, Merry Christmas.

What I've Found

i have found sleep
maybe too much of it
or maybe just at the wrong hours

i have found books
maybe too many of them
but my love has been rekindled

i have found cooking
maybe not enough of it
but there is still time for more

i have found television
maybe (definitely) too much of it
but it's nice to numb the brain for a bit

i have found time
maybe not enough of it
but when can you have enough

i have found break
maybe not a long one
but long enough before the next journey

Until next time

Final Feelings

I am a mere 13ish hours away from being done with finals week. All that stands between me and finishing this semester is an essay I have to write at my 8:00 a.m. final tomorrow morning. I just turned in my Linguistics essays, I took my stupid Mass Media test this morning, and I am burning all notes and the book related to that stupid class in a couple hours. I'm looking forward to that.

The only boxes I have unfilled in on my to do list centers around my Chicago Semester application that I have put on the wayside for the other stuff I've had to do. Now it's staring me down, trying to make me finish it. I don't really want to. Obviously I want it to be done, but I don't want to do it.

Excuse me, I have to wake up Isaiah, he's sleeping on the table next to me. . . He just swore at me. The nerve. His arms are tingly. Quite funny.

My final fall semester at college is coming to a close. Scary. I'm not really ready for this. Can I just put off growing up for as long as possible? No, probably not.

And the worst part is, I'm trying to figure out summer plans along with all these future plans that seem to think they are important to figure out. That sucks.

So many things ending. Or beginning. I'm sure they are beginning, but right now they feel like they're ending. I don't like that feeling. I'll have to get over it.

I need to stop writing angst ridden posts. I feel like a 14 year old girl. . .

Until next time.

Changing Routines

I have survived death week. Barely. My body has adjusted to an average 3:00 a.m. bedtime, I have disregarded a few personal hygiene tasks, I have maybe cut corners on a few things I had to do, but I am alive.

Right now, that's all that counts.

In about 5 days I will be going home. Can't really decide how I feel about that yet. Excited to be done with this semester, not so excited to leave yet. Not that I'll be home for that long, I leave for Ethiopia the day after Christmas. A lot of things are going to change from this semester to next. I'm ready for the good changes, not looking forward to the other ones. They may not be bad, per say, but not what I want to think about yet.

Long story short, I have too many friends studying abroad or graduating next semester. Not fair.

Plus, I have the joy of not only writing papers and taking tests this week, but also applying for student teaching stuff. It's rather overwhelming. And really fricking scary. I should be writing placement essays now, but I just want to put it off. The longer I avoid, the longer I can tell myself I have more time than I do.

It really rather sucks to grow up. Or maybe just to have to change routines. I really like my college routine.

I'm just in the process of convincing myself that I know what I want to do with my life. Or that what I think I want to do is actually what I want to do. Or even that I'll like what I think I want to do.

It would be so much easier to just find a theatre somewhere and be a starving artist. Teachers have way more responsibility than I feel like I can handle right now...

This is such a depressing post. I need to be done now.

Until next time.

Death Week Freak

1. That had better be snow falling from trees and not from the sky.

2. Nope, definitely snowing in big flakes from the sky. Blasted December!

3. 4 a.m. is too late to be studying.

4. The local bakery is a surprisingly good place to study from midnight to 4 a.m.

5. The wind is picking up. Not a good sign.

6. My to do list seems to be getting longer instead of shorter. Maybe it's my imagination.

7. I don't know where my snow boots are.

8. This weekend my friends in Waco, TX are opening a play. I wish I was there.

9. The  idea of sitting through one-act tech tonight makes me cringe a little.

10. The test I have tomorrow doesn't look promising.

11. I skipped class, but I'm not being very productive. Good or bad, not sure yet.

12. What if I don't want to be a high school teacher for the rest of my life?

13. The theatre department needs to stop coupling off. It's getting ridiculous.

14. Sometimes I don't like going home to my apartment.

15. Someday I want to learn how to say no.

16. I hate crying, but that's all I feel like doing.

17. And sleeping. I feel like sleeping.

18. I want a hug. The kind so tight I can't even move my arms.

19. I want to be strong. I don't feel strong.

20. "As for me, this is my covenant with them," says the Lord. "My Spirit, who is on you, and my words I have put in your mouth will not depart from your mouth, or from the mouths of your children, or from the mouths of their descendants from this time on and forever," says the Lord.  -- Isaiah 59:21

Silence Speaks

I stifle a yawn.

This is no time to be sleepy.

There is too much to do. Too much to see.

I don’t know what yet, but I will.

You stifle a yawn.

I don’t feel so bad.

We’re quiet tonight.

But our silence is pretty loud.

Between all the things I won’t say

And all the things you can’t,

Conversation doesn’t get very far.

This walk was supposed to help.

So far it has only made my nose cold.

The nose is the worst part of the face to have cold.

There’s nothing you can do about it,

It just sits there, frozen and runny.

I steal a side glance.

You aren’t looking at me.

I don’t know what you’re looking at.

Just ahead.

I do the same.

I don’t see much.

Is that bad?

I look at where we’re going,

And I can tell it’s nowhere.

Yet we keep walking.

Why are we still walking?

Sometimes I have conversations with myself.

I talk about the weather, about the old man we just passed,

How I liked the reindeer on his sweater. He looked warm.

I small talk with myself.

Why can’t I small talk with you?

The silence is getting quieter.

I didn’t know it could get quieter.

Folding my arms, I sigh.

I want to tell you about the dream I had last night,

How you were there, standing in the corner.

I was watching you, but you didn’t pay attention.

You just stood there, like you had something to say.

Finally, you looked at me, words on the tip of your tongue.

Then I woke up.

Do you have something to say?

Right now, do you have something to say?

I wish you’d say it.

Then maybe I could say it too.