A Father's Gift

Yesterday I thought of you

Not only because it was your birthday

(Happy Birthday, by the way)

But because someone was smoking

A Marlboro red

And it smelled like home to me

It was a surprising reminder

And I couldn’t help but smile

And last night when I was drinking

Coke and rum

I had a distinct feeling that you were drinking

Coke and whiskey

Because sometimes it’s just how a day needs to end

Especially when you’re turning older

Or you’re celebrating

(I hope you were doing both)

And I didn’t call you yesterday

To say happy birthday Dad

To ask if you felt any older

To which you would have replied

Nope feels the same as any other day

And we both would have chuckled

Our phone call coming to an end fairly quickly

Because I never know what to say to you on the phone

As I grow older I become more okay with that

Because the evidence of your love for me isn’t merely words

You have always been a man of action

Long hours spent working

Big gestures through unexpected gifts

A teasing smirk

A squeeze to the pressure points on my shoulders

Because sometimes I think you like to see me squirm

And sometimes I don’t mind

Especially since it is often followed by a hug

You are not very candid with how you feel

And that’s something I’ve grown to appreciate

Perhaps I’ve become more discerning

Or maybe I’ve just become more like you

But often it is the smallest gestures that mean the most

A pat on the back as you walk though the kitchen I just cleaned

Telling me that you checked out the school website where I’ll be this fall

And that it looked ‘pretty good’

Trying to be supportive despite your concerns

And saying in passing that you’re planning on helping me

Pay my student loans the first couple months

Even though you’re praying I get a job

Somewhere close to home if possible

(But not likely)

I wish I could have been there for your birthday dad

If only for the fact it was the first one you’ve had without your dad

He was a man of action too

A man that I know you admired deeply

A similar admiration that I have for you

So you’re a year older

A year wiser

And a year closer to your trip to Amsterdam

Happy Birthday