Dependent State

I have about three different blog posts whirling around in my head. But this is the one gnawing on my brain loudest, so I'm going to listen.

It's tax season. Interesting topic to bring up, considering how much most people dread taxes. Anyway, this year when I got my W2's, I asked my dad if I should bother filing this year. I would get a whopping hundred bucks, maybe. He said he'd just give me the hundred bucks, because he saves a whole lot more than that by claiming me as a dependent on his taxes. Cool, saves me the hassle and saves him some money.

The status of dependent is one that bugs me. Yes, last year I was dependent on him in many ways. And I am blessed to have a father who is willing to support me financially when that tuition bill came and my Chicago rent was due.

Now I've graduated, have a couple jobs. He can no longer claim me as a dependent for the 2013 year.

The problem: I don't really feel all that independent. I'm living at home. I don't have a car. I don't buy groceries. I don't pay rent.

The dream life, some say. Enjoy while it lasts, others tell me. How responsible of you, saving your money.

But for a young woman who has taken pride in the fact that I was the first in my family to graduate college and actually plan on doing something with my degree, this is not where I want to be. My mother and grandmother have been telling me for years to make sure I can support myself, to not rely on anyone else to do it.

Needless to say, this current state of dependency is getting old and will not last long.

This is when I get on my soap box. 

It is a well known fact that this country and the way it's set up tries to provide for those in need. I am in favor of social security benefits, medicare, and welfare -- when it is used properly and those who need the help receive the help. My problem comes when able bodied people take advantage of the funds needed by others. 

But what gets me even more frustrated is when I see it happening to people I love. It is admirable and wonderful if you have a family member willing to help you out. It is shameful and disrespectful to become so dependent on that family member that you are unwilling to get out of the situation you're in. And for family members who have hero complexes and want to help everyone, it is exhausting and frustrating. When a father has to worry about providing for his own children because he's been so stretched out by providing for the extended family, there is a very big problem.

Everyone hits hard times, and I think you should be able to ask for help. But when it is a one way street and repayment or even gratitude is never returned, something has to change. In a country where the 'American Dream' is still something people strive for, independence is the first step.

Getting a job, paying your own bills, saving a bit of money, cutting back on unnecessaries -- these are all things my parents had to do when they were young and just starting out. Yes, it was hard. Yes, they had to make some tough choices. Yes, they still have stretches of time when cutting back is needed. But they managed to provide for their family.

It's no coincidence that they are willing and able to help out the ones they love. I hope that I can someday follow that legacy. One willing to help when it's needed. But I also want to make sure I can tell people no, I can't  help you this time.

Because when you don't allow someone to figure it out on their own once in awhile, they will never try.

Until next time.